3 Simple Rules to Follow for the Best Wedding Ever: PART THREE

Back in April, I started a mini-series on the blog highlighting Three Simple Rules for the Best Wedding Ever. Part One was the 2 Week Rule: Make a timeline for your planning that ends 2 WEEKS before your wedding. And stick to it. A couple of weeks ago I gave you Part Two: Focus on how you want your wedding to feel, not how you want it to look.Check out Part One and Two, and meet me back here! The final rule for planning the Best Wedding Ever is PART THREE:

Make a pact to stay by each other's side all night long.

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This one is the simplest of the three rules, but possibly the most important. In keeping with my Parts One and Two, here are a few points to focus on:

1. Why? Well, this is an easy one. It's your wedding! The two of you! The room will be full of all your favorite people in the world, but you just chose to marry each other and this day is all about your love. You worked together for months planning this day, and you deserve to bask in the glory of that together; to share the day with the other person that it's all about. One of my close friends gave me this advice before my wedding, and it is the single best piece of advice I can pass on.

2. It's more difficult than you think! Staying by your new spouse's side may sound like a no-brainer, but it's actually a challenge to stay on each other's hip all night. Just think -- you are the center of attention, everyone in the room wants to talk to you, dance with you, take a picture with you, and make sure you have a drink in your hand. If you're standing next to each other and two people come up to you at the same time and split you apart, it's very easy to get pulled into the crowd, onto the dance floor, and all of sudden lose track of each other. It can be a challenge to make it back across the room without seeing someone you haven't seen yet, or getting pulled into another photo with friends, so it's not always easy to get back to each others' sides. Before you know it, a precious hour has gone by without a kiss! If you agree before the wedding starts that "where you go, I go" you will avoid long stretches apart.

3. If you follow some traditions, you haven't seen much of each other before the wedding. In many cases, couples spend the last few days before the wedding participating in guys-only/girls-only events and appointments. Many couples see each other at the rehearsal and dinner the night before and then stay apart until they have a first look or walk down the aisle. So you might actually feel like you miss each other by the time the wedding starts! Don't forget--you are each other's date! Treat it like a date to the best party you've ever been to, and it feels much more natural to stay together all night.

4. Take a moment alone. You've probably heard it before, but time flies by so quickly on your wedding day. You've thought about the details of the day for months, you've practiced your vows and your dancing for weeks, and now it's here. Take a few minutes at some point in the evening to step outside, just the two of you, and have a moment to soak it all in. It's worth a few minutes of the night to have some privacy away from your families and the cameras and just be.

5. Greet people together. It's a challenge, but make sure you say hello and thank you to all the guests at your wedding. The best way to do this is together. Some of the guests from your spouse's family you may be meeting for the first time, and you don't want to have to introduce yourself at your own wedding. People are there to see the two of you, and they love to see the bride and groom together, take a photo and congratulate you.

6. Don't do the cigar thing. This one might be a battle you don't want to have, but please hear me out. I've been to many, many weddings where at some point in the evening, whether formal or casual, there are cigars offered outside. Typically, the groom and a large group of guys head outside and gather for a cigar. Sounds like a fun celebratory tradition, right? Well, guess what happens inside? The party dies. All of a sudden, you're missing 25 men from the dance floor, and it feels like the party is over. And the worst part? It lasts at least 30 minutes! I could go on and on about how I think this is the biggest party-killer out there, but I am listing it here because it also means, unless the couple is both having a cigar, you are apart for 30 minutes or more and (he) comes back smelling like an ashtray. I politely told my husband I really didn't want to do the whole cigar thing at our wedding, and he agreed. The dance floor was packed all night, and as far as I know, no one missed the smoke break.

Obviously there will be moments you will have to step away from one another (ahem, bathroom break) but if you both have it in your heads from the start that you are going to try to be together for the entire night, it will happen for the most part. I have worked with couples who have said their biggest regret from their wedding was that they felt like they barely saw their new spouse. On the other hand, the couples I have met who have followed this simple rule (myself included) were so grateful for the advice. Every memory I have from our wedding night includes my new husband standing or sitting right next to me, and that's a beautiful thing.

So, what do you think of my Three Rules? Try following them yourself and let me know how it worked for you! I sincerely believe these are simple, straightforward ways to make your wedding awesome and completely enjoyable for you and your guests. Good luck and happy planning!

3 Simple Rules to Follow for the Best Wedding Ever: PART TWO: Focus on the Feel

A few weeks ago, I started a mini-series on the blog highlighting my top three tips for the Best Wedding Ever. Part One was the 2 Week Rule: Make a timeline for your planning that ends 2 WEEKS before your wedding. And stick to it. Definitely read that one first! Today I give you Part Two: Focus on how you want your wedding to feel, not how you want it to look. 

Seated Couple

As with Part One of this series, there are a few subcategories to this rule:

1. Don't impulse buy your wedding venue. Wedding planning should start at "30,000 feet" and should always start with the season and the venue. Which season? Indoor or Outdoor? Formal or casual? How big will it be? Before you even start looking at venues, a consensus should be met between the couple and whoever is paying for the wedding on these basic elements. Then you can hone in on where you want to start looking. Once the search for a venue (and with it, the date) begins, you have a baseline to judge your choices. Does this ballroom fit the style and feel we agreed on? We wanted a rustic, romantic wedding with 80 people... OK, no? Let's move on. There are SO many venues out there to choose from, it can be overwhelming when you start looking. It is also really, really easy to swoon over a gorgeous wedding venue when you walk in, and even talk yourself into the extra cash it will take to pay for it because the wow factor is blinding you. Next thing you know your rustic romantic wedding for 80 has turned into a 200-guest black tie affair, just because you fell in love with the look of a venue. The way to avoid impulse buying when you're venue shopping is to always come back to those basics of what you agreed you wanted for the feel. Does this fit US?

Photo Credit: Nikki Cole Photography

2. Think about how you want your guests to experience your event. Yes, your wedding is all about you. But it's really not. If you wanted to just get married, you could go elope somewhere and skip all this rigmarole. You chose to have a wedding because you wanted to throw a party, and a party is ALL about the guests. If your guests are having a fantastic time, your party will be fantastic. This is the part where it helps to have been to a few (hundred) weddings as a guest, which won't happen if you're the first to get married (that's when you hire someone like me!). If you're lucky enough to have attended even a couple of weddings, you probably have a memory of some really great and really not so great moments as a guest, so start with those.

When it comes to guests' experience, I'm a firm believer that the general timeline and layout make all the difference in the world. This is an area that tends to get overlooked, so hear me out. As your timeline for your wedding day is starting to take shape, stop and mentally walk through your day as a guest for a moment. Is there awkward downtime between the ceremony and reception? What will your guests do during this time? (And don't say "that's not my problem", because it most certainly is). How far are your guests travelling? Where will they park? When will they get to say hello to you? How long will they be seated for dinner? Who will they be seated with and why? Every decision you make for the structure of your event should be viewed through the eyes of your guests, based on how you want them to feel. The nicest and most memorable weddings I've attended had one thing in common -- a great flow to the event, and a feeling that I was looked after. More often than not, your guests have gone to some lengths, financially and otherwise, to be at your wedding. When your guests feel like their comfort and happiness has been taken into consideration, they are much better partiers!

3. Let your agreed upon "feel" guide your decision making. There are SO many decisions to be made when you're planning an event like a wedding, and it's easy to head down a rabbit hole with decorations and formalities that takes you far, far away from your original inspiration. The easiest way to make sure every detail fits together and creates the vibe you're going for is to come back to that original conversation you had at 30,000 feet. We said we wanted a rustic, romantic, small wedding. Does the drapery and uplighting really go with that? Should we even do a bouquet toss? There is no formula for the perfect wedding, and there's no rule book for what you "have" to include. I find a lot of weddings end up feeling cookie-cutter (or worse, an over-done mess) when the bride and groom just go ahead and include all the American wedding traditions even when they don't fit the feel they were going for, or they don't fit the couple. You may fall in love with a table setting in a magazine with crystal glassware, a giant floral centerpiece and tons of candles, all in your color scheme. But if you wanted a more laid-back feel for your event, this table isn't right for you. It's beautiful, just not for your wedding.

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4. It's a wedding, not a photo shoot. Photos are important, don't get me wrong. They help you remember and relive your wedding day for the rest of your life. But if you're planning a wedding, think for a second about how many decisions you've made (timing, decorations, formalities) because of photo opportunities. I have been a bridesmaid and a wedding planner for so many weddings that just feel like a day-long photo shoot. It's miserable, and the whole day ends up having a slight air of falseness to it... Like all of this is just for show, for the cameras. Do yourself a favor and find a journalistic-style photographer who excels at candids and story-telling. You'll get amazing photos without feeling like you're posing all day. And the photos will tell the true story of your wedding, not a contrived story that your photographer posed for you. You want to be there, in the moment, all day long. You want to feel real emotion and let the day happen as it will without breaking up the flow of events just to take pictures at every corner. Trust me on this one--find a photographer that will work in this way, and you will not regret it.


When you're the guest of honor at your own wedding, it doesn't really matter how the room looks, plain and simple. You'll be on cloud nine, and if your main focus of your planning was on the feel of the event, you will be immersed in the setting, and feel as wonderful as you dreamed you would. You will not regret spending extra time thinking through logistics and making careful, personal choices for your wedding day. These are the things that really make a wedding feel special, even if they aren't as much fun to plan as centerpieces and dresses.